Let it Leave You Softer

A poem written for my family by a close friend mourning alongside us

 

Let it make you softer

Until you twist and bend

Into a shape you’ve not known yet

This shape, she’ll be your friend.

She’ll show you hope

That sweet old pain

That promises to birth

The things held deep inside you

that beg to be unearthed.

She’ll take you into moments

You couldn’t have foreseen.

She’ll guide you through the lows,

The valleys and ravines.

Oh, those ravines

How treacherous they can be

Filled with sorrow, loss and grief

They can leave you on your knees.

She’ll teach you to weather moments

With space and grace and truth

Soaked with the longing for

The past to be here, too.

The past whose face you knew so well,

Your fingers drew it in their sleep.

A past you so tenderly grew,

To be yours, to keep.

That past Who made you laugh so hard, he’d often make you cry.

The past who called you dad and mama

And just for you, he tried

To make you proud of his tender heart

His strong arms and mind

A faithful and loyal friend,

no better could you find.

But then

that stubborn, stubborn Present

That thinks better than to care.

That Present left your hands empty

and your future, too bare.

Yet then, even here,

I hope that you will find

That the pain has made you tender

And the loss has made you kind.

The love has left you melted,

Softening those lines.

The lines that keep you separate

From those who’ve wished you near.

Being present in “here” moments

Not giving into fears.

Don’t give in

In those moments

With the pain you cannot bare

When the suffering is so acute

You feel it everywhere

Until you’re just a big patch of pain

Of loss

Of grief

Of sorrow

Unknowing where to go and

How to make it through tomorrow.

The loss, we give it back

Please take with it, the pain

of losing his future and his kindness

How great did heaven gain

A boy who saw

the needs of others, plain as day.

His joyous heart to meet them

With his Father’s heart displayed.

How do we join

These two ideas

Of hope and of pain

Of suffering and sorrow

And grief, it’s demands, remain

With joy and hope and kindness

And the future with today

With all that’s good and holy

But broken and decayed.

But this, somehow, sweet love

Is where you will find

The light that breaks the shadows

And fills up the skies.

That my peace and my comfort

With love, combine

To make a sweet trinity

That lasts the stretch of time.

So take that promise

And hold it tight

To walk with you through heartbreaking days,

and then, those harrowing nights.

And then my sweet, my dear,

my love,

Forget this not, please try.

Remind your heart, your mind and bones,

To not bury where you lie

The love

And that passion

That’s molded you to might

Mobilized you everyday

With kindness that shines bright

So warm on all our faces

Beckoning what’s good and right.

So take these things

My promises

Pain, grace, truth

and light

And Know that you are fought for

Pursued.

Endured.

Held tight.

And in the quiet moments

Of this treacherous terrain

Know that here, I am with you

Forever, to remain.

So,

Please,

my love

let it leave you softer.

By Emily Anne Kyle