Blog – Page 2 – Falling Forward

June 6, 2021June 6, 2021

Twenty Nine and Counting

May be an image of Scott Leigh and Lalena Leigh and people smiling — Celebrating twenty fifth wedding anniversary in Italy

Today we celebrate twenty nine years of marriage. There may be thousands of miles between us right now, but we remain one. Our beginning was like living a fairytale. Most people don’t know this about me, but I spent the first eight years of life in speech therapy as I struggled to make many of the basic sounds of English. It was a mystery as to why I couldn’t speak. With professional help I was able to overcome this hurdle, only to awaken one morning at the age of nine with a muting stutter. To this day I have only met one other person who stuttered as terribly as I did. (A few years ago I watched the movie “The King’s Speech” and became quite emotional hearing someone who sounded just like me. ) Looking back, we understand that my young mind had succumbed to the severe psychological stress of abuse that I had spent my entire childhood stuffing. The next ten years were spent in a humiliating prison as I fought for the freedom of every single word. Because of the exertion of speaking, I learned to measure my words and only speak when it was important, and I embraced the role of being a listener. ( Now I talk too much- even though I made up for those lost years a LONG time ago lol) At the age of nineteen, I met Mr Wonderful. Unable to translate my pitiful language, he asked me to write my name down ( I couldn’t say my own name for ten years) and he patiently listened as I painfully stuttered my way through a conversation. He admits now that he didn’t really get much of what I was trying to say, but he was determined to get to know me. Then the miracle happened. Just a couple months into our relationship I was chatting with my mom when she suddenly stopped me excitedly exclaiming, “Lalena, do you notice anything different?” I paused, not sure what she was so animated about. “You aren’t stuttering!” It was true. Just as mysteriously as it had appeared ten years earlier, it left. I believe it was the protective presence of a man who purely loved me- or what Huey Lewis called “The Power of Love”. Our first year of marriage was difficult as I came extremely close to an emotional breakdown when the memories began to surface and overwhelm me, but my bewildered husband stayed by my side and our pastors came to our rescue. This was the beginning of a very long healing process, but through all those challenging years Scott remained faithful and so many beautiful friends and my family loved me to wholeness. All good stories, including fairytales, have challenge, conflict and loss at the climax. It’s the pain that sets the stage for the beautiful overcoming and redemption. Each of us has such a story, and we all need saving. I am ever thankful that I met Jesus at an early age; He not only saved my soul, He healed my heart and carried me through the fire. Then He extravagantly blessed me with a wonderful man to walk this journey with. For twenty nine years Scott has selflessly carried my backpack, shared his water when mine ran out and gave me both sleeping bags when I was cold. I can’t imagine anyone better to adventure through life with. I love you, Babe!

March 15, 2021

Cross Pollination

You can’t just pop a pear tree in the front yard and call it good. True, the first day of Christmas your true love may surprise you with a partridge, and that partridge may very well prefer perching in your pear tree, but love and partridges do not produce pears. You may be wondering what could possibly be better than love and lavish gifts of pompous poultry. The answer may surprise you. Variety. Diversity. Difference. In the natural world these crucial elements are brought by cross pollination.

January 20, 2021

Old Oaks

We recently bought a 1940s home in a beautiful, old neighborhood in southern Oregon. We spent months searching for a house with a bit of land, but there was none to be had (afforded) that would meet the needs of our family. It felt like a sudden twist to put an offer on a “town home” and we’re still adjusting to the life of curtains on windows (we’ve always lived in the woods or country and didn’t worry about privacy) and traffic. We are also relishing quick trips to Home Depot (only 1.2 miles away!) and walks in the neighborhood that take us downtown or to hiking paths in the hills. I went from planning for two to four acres to just having .4 acres and I’m determined to squeeze all the life out of it I can with a permaculture orchard design.

Within days of arriving we arranged for an arborist to come look at the two old ugly oaks in the backyard. My first thought was to take them down to make room for more fruit trees; they are jagged and spindly and take a fair amount of coveted space. The arborist identified them as a white Oregon oak and a black California oak and explained that they are senior trees losing their canopy as their life cycle is coming to a close, but they are still healthy and do not endanger the house. Their root systems are also intertwined, so taking down one could damage the other. We could see where a large portion of the black oak’s roots were destroyed when previous owners installed a swimming pool, but it somehow survived. The white oak had major scarring from a disease that almost took it out years ago. They obviously had suffered some major setbacks in life, but here they were, quietly standing guard while holding the secrets of the generations of homeowners before us. They probably witnessed the construction of every single house and road in this neighborhood. As the tree specialist pointed out features I knew nothing about, respect and awe sprouted and quickly grew into admiration. I felt a flush of shame for my reflex to chop them down. By the time I walked him to the gate, I knew I would not be parting with these two amazing creatures.

With newfound humility, I began to research how to incorporate the massive oaks into our permaculture plan. Yes, it means less sun and space for newer trees, but there are quite a few plants that will appreciate the shade they provide in our hot summers. I’m enjoying the challenge of including them and in the process I’m learning of their value. There is great purpose for an old tree in a forest; scientists have found that the “mother” trees inoculate the seedlings with necessary fungi for their immune systems. They warn the other trees of danger (such as pest invasions and disease) and share nutrients and water with younger stressed trees through their root systems. They also store more carbon and protect the environment.

There is something sacred about going full circle, the end making sense of the drama in the middle. The last chapter of a book often sheds light on the whole story, along with growth of closure and the gift of satisfaction. I realized how often I want to cut things short and not allow the whole life cycle because it’s not “pretty” or what I expected. I just want to get on with the next thing and skip the painful parting or the boring ending; making no time or space to soak in the lessons or the blessings.

As I admire the two old oaks in my backyard, I think about the strong, wise trees in my life. I actually have several dearly loved friends in their seventies and eighties right now, most of them have been standing guard over me since my early adulthood. They have generously protected me with their shade and held me up with their roots. I reflexively call to them when I need wisdom or comfort. I dread the thought of them no longer being there. Their traumas and scars have modeled how to weather my own storms with faith in God and perseverance. Sadly, our culture often fails to value the beauty and strength of the generation before us, but I know I would not be where I am today without them. As I water, mulch and give space to these giants in my backyard I will be thanking God for the old oaks in my life and praying blessing over this important season in their lives. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing your lives and your shade with me. I love you so much.

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3

November 16, 2020January 20, 2021

Roasted Beet Salad

I didn’t acquire a taste for beets until well into adulthood- a few years after I learned to appreciate sprouts and avocado. I’m not sure what happened to me; I was roaming the salad bar at the hospital cafeteria (must have forgotten to bring my lunch that day) and decided to give those beautiful slices of burgundy a try. It was a pleasant surprise, like discovering that grumpy co-worker is actually a really cool person and a good friend, you just have to be brave enough to try.

August 27, 2020August 27, 2020

Israeli Salad

I don’t remember when I began making this cucumber concoction, but I fondly recall serving it in my tiny Kona kitchen to my Jewish friend, Anoushka, and listening to her become very animated with excitement over the memories these flavors resurrected. She lived many years on a kubbitz in Israel where they often ate a similar salad. Turns out, it’s actually called Israeli salad! I especially like to eat it with grilled salmon (back in the days when we were blessed to dip net and fill our freezers with Alaskan reds, silvers and kings), but these hot Tennessee summer days my daughter in law requests it with everything (and I do my best to make her happy:) As with most of my recipes, it’s super flexible and you can add/delete as you wish (our family has a love affair with cilantro and garlic, so we tend to go heavy handed with those ingredients.) It’s really good after a day or two in the fridge, so we always make enough for a few rounds (if Erin is around it won’t last that long though.) The trick is to chop/dice as small and evenly as possible and carefully add the salt (for some reason it’s easy to overdo the salt on this one.) I usually double or triple this recipe.

June 25, 2020June 25, 2020

This Little Light of Mine

So. Much. Noise. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with the cacophony of words and the underlying emotions- pain, anger, defensiveness, bitterness, hopelessness, rage. The extremes crashing against each other, shaking me like rolling thunder. But underneath the lightning bolts and cloud of voices I hear a gentle invitation to be present, to offer what little I have; my five loaves and two little fish. Without Jesus they wouldn’t amount to much, but with His blessing, I pray my simple lunchbox can make a difference to someone. I hesitate to hand it over, cringing at the criticism of my meager offering in this current stormy environment.

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June 15, 2020

“Benefit of the Doubt” by Gregory A Boyd

The first book I read by Gregory A Boyd was discreetly snatched from my friend’s bookshelf (thank you, Dee Robbins) and hungrily devoured, with many long pauses as I digested the deep and nourishing truths he developed in “Repenting of Religion.” I’ve just finished slurping and chewing my second Boyd book, “Benefit of the Doubt; Breaking the Idol of Certainty.” I will definitely be rereading this book full of underlined mind bombs. Every chapter filled my heart and mind like a full course meal- I’m challenged with how to share just a few appetizers.

June 6, 2020

Shabbat Shalom, part 3

It’s time to finish this series of posts about Sabbath! My desire is to write a little about the books I’m reading (in our Master’s program and my own reading list) as a way to process what I’m learning and also give you a taste in case you might want to read the book as well. I’d only planned to write one post about about this book, “Dwell, Life with God for the World” by Barry D Jones, and it was difficult to pick one topic/ chapter- and then impossible to fit it into one post! I highly recommend this book- I found it encouraging, enlightening, convicting and helpful in my walk as a disciple of Jesus.

May 27, 2020

The Best Fluffy Pancakes

I wonder how many pancakes I’ve flipped- it must be in the thousands by now! Pancakes were a quick, inexpensive way to feed five hungry kids, usually for breakfast, but they also served well for dinner on nights I was tight on time, energy or procrastinated grocery shopping. Many times we fed large crowds piles of pancakes; it was the simplest and cheapest way to feed lots of visitors we spontaneously invited for lunch after church. No one ever complained! Pancakes allowed us to offer hospitality without preplanning and a big budget.

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020

Hot Flashes and Hard Truth

While the rest of the world has been falling apart, I’ve been growing personalities. It’s a full blown case of the three menopausal faces of Eve. Woman number one is sweet and cuddly because she’s just come off a session of spontaneous combustion and is shivering from the evaporating sweat, number two cold heartedly cuts off my bewildered husband’s affectionate embrace screaming, “you’re so hot!” (he used to like it when I said that) and number three has no idea what the hellOkitty is happening here. The southern saying “she’s a hot mess” has become my reality as I self-incinerate all day and all flipping night long. I don’t really wake up in the morning, I just give up trying to sleep through the insanity.